Going Beyond Yes vs No – How The Brain Can Help In Conflict Resolution
The area of conflict resolution reminds me of a book by Edward de Bono titled “I Am Right, You Are Wrong.” De Bono (the inventor of lateral thinking) intentionally chose such a provocative title to remind us that life is NOT a zero-sum game. In essence, it is destructive and exhausting to think in terms of polar opposite viewpoints only. In life, we can all be winners by adopting clearer perception, constructive thinking and more open-minded creativity.
In the book, de Bono says “our habits of conflict are as primitive as ever, even though the weapons we use have benefited from our technical excellence.” For example, social media increasingly plays a huge role in propagating the illusion of mutual exclusiveness between conflicting parties, with the effect of creating harsh polarisation between both camps.
De Bono makes the case that our new thinking habits regarding conflict are to be based on how the human brain works. Specifically, how our brains create perception. In a nutshell, the more we hold on to a viewpoint the more we strengthen our resolve towards that viewpoint – unless we challenge our own thinking. To illustrate further, it is known that over a period of time, water flowing over dry land forms increasingly deeper ‘grooves’ and pathways until a dominant track is formed for the water to flow through. See image below:
Similarly, our brain’s neural networks act as a self-organising system by first forming our beliefs and biases over a period of time, based on information and influences received from our personal environment (just like water running over dry land eventually forms dominant tracks to flow through). New incoming information is then organised by the brain into our existing patterns, beliefs and biases. This is the main reason we tend to find it difficult to change our established viewpoint, regardless of new information being made available to us.
By default, the brain continues to behave in this way unless we consciously act to challenge the status quo. Otherwise, we are unable to acknowledge, understand or appreciate alternative viewpoints – and there are often several viewpoints, it would be naïve to think there are usually just two opposing viewpoints in conflict resolution. Where our current way of conflict resolution breaks down is in “the assumption that perceptions and values are common, universal, permanent or even agreed,” according to de Bono.
To foster effective conflict resolution, the involved parties must focus more on common ground to build on, rather than calling out differences in their positions.
As my favourite musician, Prince, said “we are all one race, the human race.”
My recommendation is to adopt more creative ways to handle conflict resolution, rather than digging our heels by saying I am right, you are wrong. There are no winners or losers in conflict resolution, if we think there are then we all lose, rather than all win.
Life is NOT a zero-sum game.
In what practical ways will we see and explain things from someone else’s perspective? How do we apply active listening to really hear what someone is saying? Not just in work environments, but for future issues facing us as humans. Does the rhetoric overshadow the substance of our arguments? How do we turn a polarising win/lose conflict situation or argument into a win/win debate and conversation? I hope this article has given you the drive and tools to resolve conflict with a win/win outcome.
So, what issues pose conflict resolution opportunities for you?
"Rethink without over-thinking"
GAICD, M.Comp (Monash)
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